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Metta meditation, or sometimes referred to as Loving-kindness, is where focus is given to practicing loving-kindness to the self and others. This is where you learn to re-pattern your thinking and concepts. Each day we are subjected to harshness, insensitivity, and even cruelty. When we are driving how often do we experience road rage and feel it is the other person's fault because they don't go fast enough or they changed lanes too quickly and cut us off. We toot our horn to display our displeasure, when in reality we are letting them know of the errors of their ways that we are right and therefore they need to know about our displeasure. How often do we superimpose our thoughts, wishes, and feelings onto others and say "you have to be cruel to be kind" or the "truth hurts"? This paradigm within our society only promotes lack of sensitivity within us for others, self-centeredness, and self-preoccupation that eventually leads to more ego and less sensitivity to our own true needs. When we are driving how often do we experience road rage and feel it is the other person's fault because they don't go fast enough or they changed lanes too quickly and cut us off. We toot our horn to display our displeasure, when in reality we are letting them know of the errors of their ways that we are right and therefore they need to know about our displeasure. Now we have an opportunity to change our paradigms and to develop a more sensitive and caring nature.
This meditation is a focus on having unconditional love for ourselves and others. As strength in this region grows so too does anger fall away. As we move from projecting this emotion in meditation to daily life we discover anger starts slipping away. How often do we try to address anger only to find it occurring more frequently and with greater strength? Since working on the negative produces more negative, it stands to reason that working on the strength produces more strength. As strengths are built up through loving-kindness meditation, slowly this permeates our whole life and this wonderful emotion is reflected back to us through others. How different the world will be with everyone thinking of loving-kindness?
"Researchers have studied the relation between anger and depressed affect extensively . . . . The result of these studies suggest that anger is related to depressed affect, though much of the relation remains unclear" (Robbins & Tanck. (1997). p. 489). Sometimes trying to find a method to work through our anger and depression seems too difficult. Bhante will show you a way through the reflection of loving kindness of the self and others to a loving place that does not react in extreme manners. Follow him on this journey and learn how to address our own issues and not need to inflict our wants or needs on our loved ones or others.
Compassion is the opposite of cruelty. It is nice to think we are never cruel, but it often infiltrates our life without us realizing it. When we are insensitive to others or say things that hurt, then we are being cruel. How often do we see faults and criticize others for them or try to get them to change? At these times we are causing pain to others and the only defense we have to remove this insensitivity is compassion. Again working with this strength will cause the negative cruelty to dwindle away and bring us closer to insightfulness and joy.
Perhaps the most difficult place to practice compassion is with ourselves. We are hard and impatient when we do not achieve the results we expect. Perhaps understanding Bhante's very precious words "slowly is Holy" is a start to that compassion. Patience with ourselves is our first step to compassion and the first step towards treating ourselves carefully and lovingly. With these steps and development in meditation we can move to a more compassionate and caring nature.
Understanding the way things are, their components, and reality helps us put problems, issues, and reactions into true perspective. As we meditate upon understanding and it infiltrates our daily world we will notice more joy. Just as a negative spiral pulls us downward this meditation along with practice of metta and compassion will spiral us upwards into a more joyful existence.
Many times we experience our existence in highs and lows. We swing from one extreme to another, one drama to another. As we practice more balance these extremes will fall away. We will notice our emotions at more sensitive levels and not need the extremes to make us feel alive. As we realize that we are not alone with these feelings we will connect with others and feel less lonely. We will also realize that we can share our own joys and improve the lives of others. Through meditating upon balance it is possible to see that others are as imperfect as ourselves. Acceptance upon this reality will prevent us from seeing extremes in others where none exist. For instance, "Having a positive impression of someone, for example as a pleasant person having no problems, can render us as insensitive to his or her reality as having a negative one. When such a person tells us about some difficulties in his or life, we often trivialize them or do not take them seriously. They do not fit in with our image of the person. If we learn of hidden dark sides of his or her behavior, especially if we believed the person to be spiritually advanced, we may overreact and lose all faith" (Berzin, 1998. p.122). In overreacting, through lack of balance we loose our ability to understand or to be compassionate. We see the person then as an enemy through our disillusionment and react with anger. With loss of balance and poise we loose our control. This may happen many times but as we develop courage to be understanding, compassionate, and loving for ourselves we learn from these lessons and strive upward to a more enlightened perception.
These are the four basic but important meditations. With practice and development within this foundation the next two stages become more productive and the journey to enlightenment is ever continuous and fruitful.